Weirdness

It has been a long time since I've felt the urge to blog away. Lots of good things have happened over the past couple of months: the wife and kids have settled in, we've moved to a new place in the West End, and the second term is nearly completed at school.

Furthermore, we saw my old friend Ryan and his wife Young-ju as they stopped by Vancouver for a visit in July. Heather, the kids, and I attended all four nights of the fireworks competition at English Bay. We even got an up-close look at the Pride Parade as it was happening more or less outside our door.

But none of these events inspired me to get on the ol' blog. They were too nice. Nothing unusual. Just good times. Today, however, was different. I witnessed something so creepy that... well, let me explain.

I stopped in McDonald's on Robson Street near my place. It was around 5:30 or so, and very few people were in the place. In fact, besides myself sitting at one end, there were three others in the seating area. Two people sat together: a man who looked to be about 45 or 50 years old, with dark hair and a greying beard. Across from him was an old lady, who appeared to be in the neighbourhood of 85. One table over was a guy, sitting by himself.

As I ate my chicken burger, I watched the man and the old woman at the table. It began to occur to me that the scene was unusual for some reason. The conversation they were having seemed to be one way, with the old lady just sitting there. Occasionally she would glance at me. The man was sitting with his back to me. I wasn't really listening to them, just observing. Then I began to become curious over what he was saying to this woman, so I consciously paid attention. He seemed to be talking about medical school. He had gone there for a while, apparently.

Somehow, this prompted the man at the next table to share a lawyer joke. To paraphrase, a lawyer died and was supposed to go to heaven but accidentally got sent to hell. When God asked Satan to send him back, Satan refused. God said, "I'll sue you." Satan responded, "Really? Where are you gonna find a lawyer?" The man with the lady kind of stared, then said, "That's a joke, right?" Umm, yeah, the guy replied. Then he got up and left.

So now the man and the old woman were sitting quite alone. This is where it gets really creepy. The man said to her, "Wanna move in with me? I've got a big bed. You can cuddle with me if you like. Would you like to cuddle with me?" What the fuck??? Clear as day, he said those words. I didn't have to strain to hear him. There was no ambient noise to filter out. Just this weird guy asking an 85-year-old woman to sleep with him. She said no, and then glanced over at me one more time.

So, what did I do? I began to take note of things. He was wearing a grey, collared shirt and blue jeans. He weighed about, oh, 190-200 lbs, I would estimate. About average height. Why was I doing this? If I heard on the news in the coming days that an old lady in the West End had come to some unfortunate end, I was going to be prepared to tell the police everything I could about this guy, who was likely a mental patient. Imagine if I could get his name.

As luck would have it, another elderly couple, around age 60, spoke to him. They knew each other, sort of. The creepy man said, "Why didn't you call me back?" I'm sorry, replied the man to whom he was speaking. Then they exchanged phone numbers, and creepy man said it. "My name is Iman Arnold." Amazing. Now I had a full description AND a name, should the need ever arise.

Is there a mental hospital in my neighbourhood that I don't know about? Is it now considered suitable behaviour for 50 year-old guys to hit on 80-something women who need walkers to get around? This was too bizarre to believe, except for the fact I witnessed it. I'm still dumbfounded.

But at least I have a good story to share on my blog.